Sleeping Alone.

There’s a scene in the movie Something’s Gotta Give where Jack Nicholson’s character tells  tells Dianne Keaton’s character to hit the road after a rather comical exhibition of lovemaking and get in her own bed. If this movie had come out about 12 years ago I would have been emensely pissed off at this scene.

You see, back in the day, I was under the impression that if a man was blessed with the pleasure of making love to a beautiful woman a man had to curl up with a woman and huddle with her all night no matter how long and hard a man’s day or week was at work. Well, damn, I was 22 years old then. Back then I could get up in the morning at 5:00am, grab a slice of pizza and a bottle of Boones Farm for breakfast, work and go to class all day, go to rugby practice in the evening, then go to a keg party and hang out till 4:00am and start the process all over again the next day and not miss a beat. But now  the ball of reality and chain of responsibility has changed all that.

Today, I can look at Jack Nicholson’s character and totally relate even though I’m not a senior citizen nor do I feel like one. The fact of the matter is, I’ve lived a long time on my own as a bachelor and I’ve gotten set in my ways for one thing. Secondly, My body doesn’t bounce back the way it used to. Not that I’m some deflated old turd but, damn, I can appreciate a good night’s rest now, whereas, back in the day, I’d look at sleep as an inconvenience.

Thirdly, if I lay up all night - balled up like two kittens - with a woman at my age  some part of my body is not going to work in the morning like my neck or my hip or my knees.  Lastly, I’ve grown to become a light sleeper. Any kind of movement or noise goes on in bed I’m up and awake and it takes me nearly all night to get back to sleep. By then it’s time to get up and get ready for work - by then I’m fucked up because that means I’m going to be pissed off all day and miss a deadline or sign the wrong documents or cuss out a co-worker.

With all these issues I’ve aquired over the years I can see why sleeping alone can almost be considered a luxury, a forbidden pleasure if you will. Hell, sometimes I’ll turn my cellphone off, draw myself a hot ass tub of water and fill it with lavender sugar scrub, drop some classical and jazz CDs in my changer and light some vanilla bean-scented candles - top it off with some warm, cozy fresh sheets and call it a night.  Okay, even at 34 I still try to cuddle for a minute after making love but I’ve long since learned how to shift my cuddling time more to daylight hours and weekends. That way a woman can’t complain about me being insensitive. I’ve also learned how to get a very good nights rest so I can be the first one up in the morning and look her eye-to-eye as she’s waking up - women love that and it’s especially fun if she has a beautiful face.