Teri.

(July, 1997) “That will be seven dollars and ninety-five cents.” She said as she bagged my mom’s medication. I watched her tiny fingers pop around the keyboard of the computer register while she looked up my mom’s prescription information. “Will you be needing anything else?” She says as she focuses on me again with her large, dark brown, almost cat-like eyes. “No,” I respond. “well, actually, there is one thing you could help me with,” I tell her as I stare deeper into her eyes, smile, and lean slightly over the counter. I read the name on her badge and said: “Teri, are you single?” She smiled a big modest  smile - almost embarrassed - but she’s careful not to show her teeth. Her eyes squint with a bashful glee. “Yes, I am.” She says.

”May I have your number?” I ask her. She presses a button on the computer that causes a strip of recipt paper to eject from the register. “Sure.” She says as she writes her name on the slip of paper. “What time do you get off work today?” I ask her while folding the paper and putting it in my pocket. “9 O’clock.” She says as she smiles and pushes her glasses back up her nose with her index finger. ”Do you mind if I call you tomorrow?” I ask her as I continue to smile. “No,” she responds. “I’ll be home from class around 8:30.” she tells me with a slight smile but her eyes are still squinted with glee. “Okay. I’ll call you then, Teri.” I tell her as I stand there for a split second to capture an image of her face in my mind. She smiles enormously, revealing her pearl white teeth. She slumps slightly - overwhelmed with embarrassment. She didn’t move from the computer register as I walked away. Instead she stood there and waved me goodbye with her  tiny hand and wiggling her skinny little fingers.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

”Hello, may I speak to Teri?”

“This is she.”

”Hi, Teri, how are you?”

“Fine, and you?”

I’m cool. This is Romulus.” 

“Oh, hi.”

She spoke in a professional tone until  she recognized my voice. When she said: “Hi,” her voice relaxed slightly.  I could hear the bashfulness ooze from her mouth. As we talked she maintained a passive, quiet, bashful tone. “I’m taking some chemistry classes at UAB but I’m waiting to be accepted at the school of pharmacy at Samford.” She tells me. “You know Rosewood will be in theatres this Friday.” I tell her. “Oh yeah. I want to see that movie.” She responds only with a slight hint of excitement. “Would you like to go?” I ask her. “Sure,” she says. “I get off at 7:00 on Friday.” She says. As I’m shifting through the paper looking for show times she asks me: “Would you like me to pick you up?” I smile almost with a slight shock that she’d ask. She didn’t come off as being the assertive type but all the better. “No, you don’t have to.” I tell her. “I’ll pick you up at 9:00 okay?” I could almost sense her smile a mile wide like when she smiled at the counter back in the drug store. “Sure.” She responds.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Some white people have already walked out of the theatre as the movie reaches the halfway point. It’s one thing to hear about how blacks were treated at that time in a very backwoods area of Florida. It’s quite another to see what actually happened. The whole time we watched the movie Teri was fixed in her chair - never holding hands or leaning toward me. She simply sat there slowly eating popcorn analyzing each kernel with her fingers before popping it in her mouth. As we walk out of the theatre into the warm air she puts her sweater around her left arm and crosses her arms. Still I get no signals of genuine interest from this girl as we’re walking toward my car. “Did you enjoy the movie?” I ask her. “Yeah, amazing,” she says.”I didn’t know how gruesome that situation was until seeing this movie.” I looked at her. “You know that was based on a true story.”  I told her. “Yes, I think I read somewhere about that.” She responds as she looks down at the pavement.

I unlock my doors and she sits in the car as quickly as I do. “I hope you enjoyed yourself.” I tell her with a slight smile. “Yes, I did.” She says, looking up at me as she finishes her short response.  “Did you?” She asked. “Ohhhh yeah, that movie pissed me the hell off.” I said. “So, Teri, what do you think so far?” I ask her as I smile one last time to see if I can bring some life to this situation. She takes a quick glance at me and her eyes gleam then looks back down. A modest smile grows on her face. “I think you’re cool.” She says as looks back up at me with silly, cute little smile. As I put the key in the ignition she grabs my hand and leans toward me. I sense her intensions and respond by meeting her lips with mine. One slight peck turns into another.  She leans back a little to stare right into my eyes. Her eyes are slightly more open this time as she gently smiles again like a bashful grade school kid. She leans forward again and our lips meet. Her  mouth opens and she takes a slight gasp as she slips her tongue closer. I unbuckle my automatic seatbelts and her seatbelts and lean in closer to her. She leans in even closer, crossing her right leg over the other as she turns almost completely in my direction - craning her neck as she snuggles closer under me.

She reaches down my pants, quickly unzips my zipper, and searches for my dick through my boxers. As she begins to feel it grow in her hands she gasps in deeper, gyrating her head more vigorously. Her eyes roll rapidly behind her eyelids as she sucks harder on my tongue. She pulls my fully erect rod out of my pants and begins stroking slowly and carefully. Her tiny hand barely wraps around the girth of my dick as she realizes how hard it is - she grips harder and strokes more aggressively. I carefully unbutton only a few buttons of her blouse. I slip my hand through her blouse and under the small cup of her bra to feel her tiny yet extremely firm breast and erect nipple - hard as a peanut.  with two fingers I flip the cup of her tiny bra up and over her breast  and begin massaging her breast more aggressively. She stops kissing me, looks at me with an almost helpless look in her eyes and dives her head into my lap - driving my shaft straight into her mouth.

Her tongue is so warm and wet as she slowly bobs her head up and down with care. Mind you, we’re still parked in the parking lot in front of the theatre. As a couple is walking towards my car I’m frozen - not sure what to do - not sure whether I should stop Teri or allow her to continue. She sucks harder and begins slightly rotating her head as she reaches back into my pants searching for my balls. I grab her sweater and cover her head as I try to look inconspicuous while the couple walks by my car. The guy is on my driver’s side and his girlfriend is on the passenger side. Somehow, they passed right by my car and didn’t even notice what was going on they were so busy talking.

She grabs my balls and carefully juggles them with her hand while the spittle from her mouth slowly seeps down my shaft. She senses that I’m close to cuming and she slowly pulls away, still massaging my swollen, wet dick. She kisses me with her wet lips and pulls away as if she was a werewolf turning back into human form. I take a deep breath and regain my composure as I quickly turn the key in the ignition. “Oooooooookay.” I say with a slight sigh and a smile as I shifted my car in reverse.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

 Teri  wiggles  while standing between my legs - I’m on the edge of my bed.  She gazes at me almost with a look of anger and rests her left hand on my shoulder while she uses her right hand to caress my face, following the movement of her hand across my face with her eyes. I grip her little thighs, my fingers reaching almost halfway around, and gently massage them as I press my face into her belly and jab my tongue in her navel.  I grab her around her tiny waste, squeezing firmly, and  lift her off the floor. She giggles and wiggles,  smiling a mile wide. Her pearly white teeth gleam in the sun’s rays that beam in through my bedroom window. I unbuckle her large designer belt, unzip her slacks and drop them to the floor. She’s wearing cute little white cotton panties with tiny lace. As her slacks hit the floor I can smell the wonderful, faint, soft scent of her bush. I slip her tiny panties down to her knees and she steps out of them as she looks down at me and smiles I stand up and tower over her frail, 4’11”, 100 pound frame.

As she unbuckles my jeans I slip her white long sleeve shirt over her wirey arms and small head. I reach around her back and unclasp her bra by pinching it with two fingers. She holds her arms close. The bra falls between us to the floor.  Her breasts pop out and wiggle only for a split second and immediately come to attention. Her large, hard, dark brown, 3- liter Pepsi bottle cap-sized nipples stab me in my stomach like the blunt ends of small bull horns. My jeans drop to the floor and she wrestles slightly with my boxer briefs, pulling downward until my throbbing dick pops out hitting her under her chin.

I grab her small  round ass with my hands, completely encompassing her cheeks, and pull her closer to me pressing my shaft against her belly. I reach down, grab her by the thighs and pick her up, rotating around and slaming  her back into the mattress. “EEEEEEK! Hee Hee HA HA!” Teri screaches as she travels through the air like a weightless rag doll. As she stares into my eyes I grab her calves and throw her legs over my shoulders. Standing in between her legs I move closer, pressing her in a fetal position as I kiss her full lips. I reach down to feel her moisture and slip her moisture around the head of my swollen dick. As I slip it in she squints and peels her lips up as if she was being punched in the belly. She presses against my chest, then she grabs my shoulders. I caress her thighs to calm her as I slowly slide deeper in her fat little pussy. I’m halfway inside and I lean forward again to kiss her when she grips my shoulders harder with her tiny hands, almost digging into my flesh with her trimmed fingernails.

She’s gasping as if someone closed her in a small room and cut off the oxygen supply to the room. “Ahhhh….oooh…damn!” She says in a controlled growl. She’s incredibly tight and small. I’m not about to abuse this girl - this just isn’t my style. She gets wetter but the deeper I go the more she screams. I lay her on her side right side and wrap my left arm around both her her knees, putting her in a fetal position. I enter her again slowly. This time my dick slips slowly right inside. “OoooooooOOOooooooooohmmmmmmmmm.” She moans as I slip inside and let it sit inside her for a while. She grabs my hand and holds my hand close to her chest as I maintain a slow rhythm.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

“Do you have some shampoo I can borrow?” Teri asks as I lather up the soap on her back. “Sure,” I tell her. “It’s under the sink. I’ll be right back.” As I get out of the shower I slap her on her cute little booty, her cheeks jiggling slightly. As I hand her the shampoo she looks at me with a thoughtful smile. “You don’t have to stay in the shower with me, baby. I’ll be a minute.” Without answering I get back in the shower with her and lather up the shampoo in her hair. After washing out the shampoo she turns around to face me, her shoulder length hair hanging over her eyes. I pull her hair out of her eyes and she pulls me closer, hugging me tight and resting her head on my shoulder. I give her a strong bear hug  and she giggles. “I love this, Romulus.” She says with a smile as her eyes are closed. She begins moving her feet around slightly as if she’s trying to ballroom dance right here in the shower. I oblige her and move with her pace.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

”How are you so sure that you’re pregnant?” I ask Teri in as low of a whisper as I can over the phone while I’m sifting through paperwork for a client that needs a revised logo by 3:30. It’s 1:45 and I’m still not quite done redesigning the logo. “I’ve missed my period.” She says in a bewildered tone. I knew deep in my heart this girl could not have possibly been pregnant. There just is no way. “We will work through this,” I tell her. “Let me call you back.” She sighs for a moment with no response. “Okay.” She says in a pitiful, faint tone.

We meet at the hospital downtown where I take her where she can be tested. I wait patiently and quietly in the waiting room thumbing through safe sex, STD, and teen pregnancy pamphlets. My mind raced around possibilities of doing the right thing, the responsible thing, and marrying her. Then my mind raced through the conversations I had with my mom over the phone during the years I was in college. “You watch these fast ass girls, boy!” She used to warn me. “They see a decent boy and they’ll try to make a fool out of you!” She says in a firm tone. “You better not get your nose open, boy!!” she always screamed.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

(10:30pm) “Look, Teri,” I said over the cordless phone while pacing nervously in the driveway of my house. “I’m not saying we should break up. I just need some time to think about things.” Thoughts are racing in my mind of how this girl’s entire mode changed after this pregnancy scare that turned out to be a hoax. It’s like her entire personality has changed. She’s developed some type of state of mind as if I’m the only person on planet Earth. “Why don’t you just tell me you want to break up with me!?!” She screams irradically as she sniffs the tears back. “I don’t want to break up with you, Teri, do you hear me?” I scream back at her but it’s like her ears aren’t even picking up what I’m trying to say. “Just give me another chance!!” This is just too wild. The ink hasn’t even dried on my sheepskin yet. I haven’t even taken my tassle with  Class of 96’ gleaming in the sunlight down from the rearview mirror of my car yet. I haven’t even collected my second check from my graphic design job yet and this girl is having a near mental breakdown.

“Teri, look, since you won’t listen to me I’m just going to hang up okay?” I press the button and the phone goes silent. The next few days I’m wrestling with my emotions as I flounder in the office with various projects. My boss calls me in his office at 8:30 this morning. “I’m concerned, Mr. Burnett,” Mr. Langley says to me as he looks at me with this look on his face like he’s trying to see if I’m real or fake. “I’m wondering if you are as proficient in the skills you say you have listed on your resume.” My blood boiled with rage as my mind raced back to a meeting that was held by the dean of the art department, Johnathan Hastlebech. “There is no need to have a class to be offered on computers for graphic design,” this idiot said. “The computer is only a tool just like a screwdriver or a shovel.” The student body of the art department tried to tell this neanderthal pea brain that desktop software classes was needed to keep the students updated on technology. The asshole refused to acknowledge the student body’s need. Now this shit is biting me in the ass. “Well, Mr. Langley, I was trained on Apple computers.” I calmly tell him. “It’s a little hard learning the different commands on your IBM computers.” Of course it was a lie - I wasn’t trained at all -  but it bought me time to catch up with my co-workers and figure out some of the more complicated functions of the different programs during after hours at work.

I recieve a letter from Teri in the mail. I sit on the porch instead of going in the house to read the letter. It’s in a thick, large pastel purple envelope.  I tear open the envelope and there’s seven full length, spiral notebook sheets of paper, murdered with heavy, deep, black penstrokes. I  scanned through the entire letter as my eyes focused on comments like, “I’ve never met anyone like you before,” and “you are an amazing man.” The end of the letter is what caused my heart to stop beating and pop up in my throat:

“I know a lot of crazy things have been happening lately. I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to you but I’ve never been in love before. You know I told you that. I love you, Romulus. I know this sounds crazy but I do. I feel like you’re the one for me. I feel like I can spend the rest of my life with you.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

(December, 2005) Tyrene is pursing her lips as we wait in this long line to pay for our overpriced breakfast. “Damn,” I say to Tyrene. “My glasses are all messy from that greasy papertowel on the table.” I tell her. “I’m going to the bathroom to get some clean tissue. I’ll be right back.” Tyrene looks at me, caresses my cheek and turns back around to eyeball the clerk. “Okay, babe.” She says.  As I inch my way through the crowd on my way to the bathroom I notice a tiny sister standing further down in the line. For some reason she keeps looking at me but she doesn’t smile or say anything. She’s wearing a large arctic jacket, baggy little jeans, thick gloves.If not for the frame of her glasses her long locs would nearly cover up her entire face.  Something about her eyes caught my attention but I can’t quite figure out why. On my way back out of the bathroom I’m about to squeeze my way between the long line of people back to Tyrene when the same girl is turned in my direction staring at me once again. This time she’s waving and has a large smile on her face. I duck to the side because I know this girl must be trying to get the attention of  a friend on the other side of the restaurant.

I look back to see who she’s waving at but no one is paying a attention to her. I look back at her and take a closer look. The longer I look into her eyes the wheels in my mind start turning. As I walk closer she waves more. “Hey, Romulus!” I’m still perplexed until at the last moment my mind clicks. “TERI!!” I scream. “My God! How are you?” I say to her. “Oooh, I’m fine.” She says. Her smile is still just as big. She’s just as bashful as ever like time never stopped for her. The cog wheels creep a little more and my mind finally snaps wide open. “Teri, Johnson!” She smiles as I hug her. Her eyes bulge more - shocked because not only did I remember her first and last name but I wasn’t afraid to say it. I wasn’t embarrassed or confused about what I did.  I still cared for her but she didn’t give me the space I needed to sort through what had happened nearly ten years ago.

“So, how are things going, Romulus?” She says with a smile. “Well, I’ve moved back from Miami and I just finished my Masters degree program,” I tell her. “Now I’m back in Birmingham, still freelancing, and living on the Southside.” Her eyebrows rise as she continues to smile. Teri looks back at a medium-sized black woman that continuously looked at me like I had stolen something. That made me uncomfortable as hell but I igged her anyway. “Oh, this is my co-worker, Jeanie.”  Teri says as she introduces me to her co-worker. As I shake her co-worker’s hand she looks at me with almost a snarl on her face but manages to keep her composure. Somehow I have a feeling I know what the deal is with that. Teri must have told this woman of our short-lived relationship in various conversations over a meal during their lunch break. “So, how are you doing, Teri?” I ask her. “I’m an engineer at UAB.” she says with a proud smile. “I’m so happy to see you again.” I tell her. I lean closer down to her and hold her hand.

“I still have that love letter you wrote me.” I said to her in a low tone and a reasurring smile. “Oh, God, Romulus,” She says in that familiar, modest, bashful voice. “You didn’t have to keep that. You could have thrown that away.” She says with a smile. “No,” I said to her as I look her seriously in the eye but maintain the smile on my face. “I will never forget anything like that.” She looks me eye-to-eye for a moment and smiles. “Well,” she says as she looks at Tyrene further back up the line. “It was nice seeing you again.” I smiled and continuted looking her in her smiling eyes. “It was good seeing you again too, Teri.” I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her how much I missed her. I wanted to tell her I love her. As I walk back up to Tyrene she gives me a heinous stare as if she was going to kick my ass right in the middle of the line. “So, how’s Teri?” Even though I had a calm, cool and collected demeanor I was boiling on the inside with Tyrene’s reaction. I looked her dead in the eye with a slight grin and without a flinch or a studder and said: “She’s fine.”

My mind wondering several days after having seen Teri at the restaurant.  I had to drive to her neighborhood where her mom lived. As I approach her mom’s home my mind raced back and forth with scenarios of how I would walk down that familiar sidewalk to their covered porch and knock on the door. As warm as Teri was when I ran into her several days ago she certainly wouldn’t mind if I dropped by to say hello.  Right as I slow up on Teri’s mom’s house a bolt of fear strikes me right through my heart. There is no way I can do this. There is no way I can revisit the past. There’s no telling who or what is on the other side of the Johnson’s residence house. I drove away. The pain of guilt and regret heavy on my heart.