Burned Out.

We live in a narcissistic, instant gratification-driven, disposable society that has lost the vital element of having a fully functional, productive nuclear family. This results partly in people that have no center with which to rely on as they experience their first trials and tribulations of life. What does this all have to do with me? I’m one of the lucky intellects that that has been chosen by society to help the lost and misguided.

Don’t get me wrong. I love to serve as a guide, a confidant, a father figure, and a role model, particularly, to young people. But where the problem comes in is when people wear out their welcome so to speak - They infringe on my natural ability to listen, console, motivate and solve all the problems of their lives to the point where they must find the answer to their dilemmas or pacify their anger and frustration indefinitely through therapeutic dialogue. Where does this leave me? Burned out.

It’s easier to understand why people gravitate towards me seeking advice and guidance when online. I have a tendency to express myself in a way through interacting with people on various discussion boards that attracts these seemingly helpless people.

However, in person it’s quite a different story. I’m not quite sure what it is about me that gives people the inclination that I’m some kind of armchair psychologist. Perhaps it’s because I’m a very approachable person. Perhaps when I just stand there and instinctively make eye contact while listening instead of telling a person to fuck off or just walk away from them they get the sense that I may have something to say - something -  anything that might help them through a few more minutes of the day. Regardless of the reason I’m burned out.

Everyone makes that same mistake. They assume they’re the first and only person to have ever confided in me. Therefore, I must have plenty of time and patience to listen and help. Whether they’re polite and tactful or rude and insensitive the end result is the same. They can’t just ask a question and leave. They can’t just have one free session and move on. They come back for more - oblivious to the fact that I’m only one person. Oblivious to the fact that I have my own problems to deal with. I’ve lost count how many children I’ve had to lecture on everything from social etiquette to drugs. I’ve lost count how many teenage boys and girls I’ve saved or lost to the annals of society. I’ve lost count how many adults, total strangers, I’ve counseled on everything from parenthood to relationships and finances.  In the begining I was joyful, exuberant, and had a sense of empowerment in helping people. It’s twelve years later and I’m burned out.

I have so many stories I want to write and publish on this blog but when I log on and stare at the journal entry page I get noxious - I lose interest and turn away. It’s not just being a shade tree Psychologist that has burned me out. It’s my career, my educational pursuits, women, family issues, and trying to maintain my sanity that drives me down. I’m not apologizing for not having posted anything on my weblog for days. Hell, I posted over 50 entries in under a month. I wonder how many other people can attest to that feat? I’m tired. I find myself looking at news reports on T.V., reading magazines, newspapers and listening to the radio and wanting to give my own two cents on everything I read and hear. The story is already formulating in my mind about the fact that Dick Chenney can be considered personally responsible for starting the war on Iraq too soon and without the proper intell.

I wanted to drop some background knowledge on my spin of Asians after reading the garbage Kenneth Eng wrote on Why I hate blacks. I walked up to my computer, listened to the hardrive warm up, and just shut it right back down. When I tell people to fuck off under the guise of tough love they look at me like I’m crazy, selfish, arrogant, conceited. Perhaps I reach this level of nuclear meltdown because I’ve spent countless hours helping but never being helped. There’s always someone around waiting to chew my ear off but there never seems to be anyone around when I need to unload some psychological freeweights. So, I absorb and internalize with no reliable source to relate, relax, and release. I’m burned out.

Don’t worry people. It’s not that I’ve run out of issues to write about. I just don’t have the energy to write about them. Stress has torn down my body to the point where I pass out after coming home from work not to get up again until it’s only an hour before having to get up and go to work again. I’ve lost too much weight and my mind wanders. I try to cope by using my unforgettable sense of humor as a first line of defense but you have a lot of assholes out there that don’t like to laugh - they don’t share the gift to make lemonade when it’s raining lemons. Motherfuckers sit on their failed and miserable asses and suck on those lemons, step on them, slip up and bust their heads wide open on the sidewalk. They want you to feel that pain. I’ve have valiantly resisted with a smile. Now I’m burned out.