Understanding Women.

A fter some long and arduous analyzation of fan email I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some common misconceptions about me amongst my female readers. The misconceptions stem from my numerous relationships that range from me being  afraid of commitment and not wanting to settle down to hating myself and, as one sister put it, I’m: “bitterly disenchanted with women.”  At this time I feel it is necessary to dispell my reading audience’s first impressions.

My years of experience in dating have taught me to be very cautious about women. Contrary to women’s popular beliefs, a woman can be just as capable of being deceitful, underhanded, callous, two-timing, untrustworthy, indifferent and backstabbing as men—if not worse. Don’t take my candidness for callousness—I am very mindful that women, especially black women, have been treated unfairly by the brothers, perhaps even more so than vis versa, nevertheless, it is no excuse for many women to behave the way they do, especially towards men that are innocent of whatever dastardly deads another guy commited. Two wrongs don’t make a right—a woman has no more right to mistreat a man than a man has a right to mistreat a woman, regardless of the reason or excuse.

Some of the women I’ve dated tried to enforce double-standards such as the ole’ ‘it’s okay for me to dog you out/play the silly games I play because Ray Ray/Tyrone/Roderick/Leroy did me this way and that way last time but if you even so much as arrive ten seconds late on a date you’re the lowest peice of shit on Earth like all the rest of them’ game. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not biased in the least over this ordeal. Men are also just as capable of pulling double-standard stunts but since this is about me I’m going to stick to dropping knowledge from my perspective. Even though I sympathize with women in their trials and tribulations in dealing with men, I refuse to be subjected to the collateral punishment a woman will inflict on a man due to the sins of men from their past.

I have a distinct problem with a woman that uses her past experiences as an excuse to behave in a disfunctional way  due to her past experiences with a lover(s) or the absence of a male role model in their childhood. If I can take the time to teach myself how to be more resilient, cooperative and optimistic with future prospective mates, so should the woman—this is why I have taught myself how to use a romantic barometer when in the initial stages of getting to know a woman. I’m sure many of you are taking the natural defense of thinking that every woman may not be able to reach that level of resolve with themselves as I have and also use what I call the sav-a-ho complex, which is thinking that a man should take up the responsibility of helping a woman achieve reconsiliation. No—a person, man or woman, should be responsible for dealing with his or her own issues instead of creating an unecessary burden on his or her significant other.

 No, I don’t feel it is necessary for a woman to have the freedom to gamble with my emotions while she is free to proceed with her life, take risks and push the limits of my relationship boundaries, yet, if I am inconsistent in my behavior then I am punished and, thereby, for future purposes, she will behave begrudgingly towards me. It is a long and difficult process to learn how to resolve personal issues that impede on ones ability to facilitate a long lasting, loving relationship but it is worth it to resolve those issues even if it means taking a significant time away from dating to reflect on those issues and resolve them one by one. That may be difficult to do for some people because they feel they aren’t whole unless they have someone in their lives but here’s a sobering thought: As long as you let those issues go unresolved you’ll be less than your full potential no matter who you’re with.

 I refuse to invest myself emotionally with a woman that will make excuses on a continuous basis for her inconsistencies, yet remain emotionally dissonant. Some women have a tendency to want a man to come out of pocket for them but they will not come out of pocket for a man. In my experience, more often than not, a woman will maintain whatever course they have chosen to maintain in the act of interacting with a a romantic interest, regardless of the sacrifices he makes to get closer to her—in other words, she may not allow professional or educational priorities to be sidetracked in the least but it’s okay for the man, whom may think his efforts are making progress with her romantically, to lose his mind chasing after her, if he’s naïve and gullible enough to do so.

I’ve trained myself over the years to be wary of unbalanced situations like the aforementioned primarily because I have goals of my own. And if the woman I was involved with did not have the ability to see the value in achieving an atonement, a comprimise where we both can set as well as achieve our goals while giving each other emotional support and positive reinforcement, then I had to make the unfortunate decision to end the relationship. I’ve witnessed many cases where a significant other put his or her all into a relationship or marriage for years on end and lose themselves in the process only to end up miserable and unhappy. Unfortunately, we have trained ourselves to endure such mental and emotional anguish because too many of us have a disfunctional idea of what a relationship should be. However, I feel I have reached a level that I know I deserve more and will not accept less.